Martin.Lukes@a-bglobal.com
Published: December 13 2006 17:23 | Last updated: December 13 2006 17:45
FROM: Martin.Lukes@a-bglobal.com on 11/12/06
TO: Michelle.Evans@a-bglobal.com
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SUBJECT: headspace
Michelle,
Am 140 per cent snowed under... need some headspace to draft a vital memo.
Btw, some idiot from the local council is trying to touch base on something he claims is urgent – inform him that unlike himself, I have a substantial business to helm.
Martin
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FROM: Martin.Lukes@a-bglobal.com on 11/12/06
TO: Alice.Bloom@envirowisdom.co.uk
SUBJECT: no can do lunch...
Peachy one – Just had bombshell re my bonus from Atlanta. Pretty sure it’s a mistake, but need to sort... so no can do lunch, sorry GB xx
PS your suggestions on our sustainable Xmas bash next week are brilliant. You’re my genius green goddess...
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FROM: Martin.Lukes@a-bglobal.com on 11/12/06
TO: Cindy.Czarnikow@a-bglobal.com
SUBJECT: my bonus piece
Hi Cindy,
This morning I received an e-mail from Marshall, stating that my annual bonus is £82,500.
I’m assuming that there is some mistake and a zero has been omitted? In any case, I would like to take this chance to socialise the following concepts.
1. Marshall states that the result for a-b glöbâl (UK) this year will be a tad south of the 05 metric. This is due to an inappropriate business model bedded down by my predecessor.
2. The PBT metric should not be the only one we benchmark. Think delivery of Green Sky. Our future as a species depends on us cracking this climate change nut. Modesty aside, I believe I have won the first battle on hearts and minds and should be financially incentivised to go on and win the next one.
3. Our budget. I have successfully driven through a headset for lower bonuses for my top team. Last week I slashed the bonuses of directors and team leaders by 80 per cent, which required considerable emotional finessing to present to the team.
4. Going forward, sales figures are picking up, which is entirely due to me managing to persuade Dexter Jones to join us from Google. I am coaching him intensely and already seeing results.
5. Morale is humming. After a long absence at a-b glöbâl (UK), the Buzz is Back!!!
Would be happy to drill down on any of these points later today.
All my very bestest, Martin
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FROM: Martin.Lukes@a-bglobal.com on 11/12/06
TO: Thelma.Dowd@a-bglobal.com
SUBJECT: a challenge!!
Hi Thelma – following on from our brainbang last week on your performance issues, here is a chance to show how proactive you can be!!
We have a compelling story to tell around this year’s seasonal staff party. We are the first company to be pushing the limits of sustainability into the festive space. I have ordered LCD lights for our holiday tree, which in order to save maximum energy will only be turned on for five minutes in every 30. The hats will be recyclable and the food will have journeyed no more than 50 miles to our mouths! Alice can dot all the i’s for you. Would be very happy to do the interview, though plse make clear cannot discuss Svalbard...
Martin
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FROM: Martin.Lukes@a-bglobal.com on 11/12/06
TO: Jake.Lukes@gmail.com
SUBJECT: yr bonus!!!
Whoa son! To get £900,000 for your first year in da biz – that’s some bonus! I’m negotiating my own presently, and am anticipating I’ll only come in a bit North of you... the difference being that I’ve had to work for mine!!! The Vintage Krug will be on you this crimble!! Dad
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FROM: Martin.Lukes@a-bglobal.com on 11/12/06
TO: Marshall.Pfeiffer@a-bglobal.com
SUBJECT: my bonus
Marshall,
Can I be entirely honest with you? Frankly I’m a tad surprised that Cindy forwarded my e-mail to yourself to answer, and I don’t feel you have taken ownership of any of my points. To bring up Svalbard is particularly surprising. You were not present and therefore cannot judge the scale of the positive energy that I unleashed there.
Until today, I believed that this was a company that rewarded performance in the broadest sense of the word. I am saddened to find that is not the case.
Martin
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FROM: Martin.Lukes@a-bglobal.com on 11/12/06
TO: Michelle.Evans@a-bglobal.com
SUBJECT: man from council
WHAT? I DON’T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT CHAIRS IN FIELDS. OR FLYTIPPING. IT’S NOT MY PROBLEM. YOU FOUND THE DISPOSAL COMPANY, SO YOU DEAL WITH IT. THIS HAS BEEN ONE OF THE WORST DAYS ON RECORD. TELL THE COUNCIL TO GET STUFFED.
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FROM: Martin.Lukes@a-bglobal.com on 11/12/06
TO: Jenny.Withers@gmail.com
SUBJECT: Change to our financial settlement
Jens – Re your message... No, I did NOT tell Jake that I had a bonus of over £1m... And so, no, there will be NO change needed to our financial settlements. In fact, if you want to know, the legacy you left here means that my bonus is TOTALLY SCREWED.
Btw, you haven’t replied to my solicitor’s request that Max and Carly spend Xmas with myself. As a courtesy I should tell you that Jake and his charming girlfriend Jade will be spending the day with myself.
Martin
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FROM: Martin.Lukes@a-bglobal.com on 11/12/06
TO: Dexter.Jones@a-bglobal.com
SUBJECT: lunch
Dexter – I see you had lunch with Alice today. Might I ask what the agenda was?
Martin.
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Copyright The Financial Times Limited 2006
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